Sunday, September 21, 2008

fresh air.

so lately i've been finding it hard to breathe. it's sort of been all the time but if i focus on it it comes in more intense bursts and it freaked me out a couple times.
i don't have asthma or anything- i think it's something metaphorical that was turned physical.

you see, lately i've found my prayer times and my study times getting shorter and shorter each day and seeing my time and thoughts consumed by "wordly" things. and it's almost like i've been cluttering my freedom with those unnecessary things. and i'm not going to go into much detail because i'd rather focus on the present and the future than the past, but it's been creeping up on me and slowly, slowly taking away my freedom to breathe.

so tonight at church i was standing there in worship, we were singing lead me to the cross, and i decided to let it go.
and it was like a flood of fresh air, there was no difficulty in my breaths, it didn't feel like i was in a bubble with less oxygen than everyone else;

but i felt like i regained my freedom.

everything i once held dear, i count it all as lost.
Lord i lay me down, rid me of myself, i belong to You..
lead me to the cross.