Saturday, January 31, 2009

it will not fall apart.

i've been so busy lately. parachute took up my weekend and then year 13 camp took up my week..now it's the weekend and i'm planning on relaxing because i go back to school on wednesday next week..still debating whether that is good or bad news, but camp was fun and i'm pretty keen to get back into it because it means two periods of sewing a day and fun fashion shows to work towards!
and in other news..i got another job! it's at a clothing store. and the car i was meant to get isn't exactly what i wanted so 'm in the process of looking for another one. i found the cutest old baby blue car today which i'm totally keen on calling mine soon..but lets see how it goes.


it's ironic that this post seems positive when the only way to describe the state i'm in right now is fucked over. i feel completely and utterly fucked over. and the worst thing is that i knew this was coming. my family and friends(and star sign, apparently) say i have the ability to see the positive aspect in every situation but right now i'm a little stuck. stuck and torn. so so torn about what to do. i feel like i'm in a completely lose-lose situation. and back to talking about risks, i'm not sure which alternative is worth the risk because which ever way i go i'm putting myself on the line.

that's what i'm trying to convince myself..that no matter how crap my situation is, no matter how much i put on the line, and how much i lose, how much is ripped out of my control, no matter how far gone i am, how deep in i am..that the world will not fall apart.
and i do apologize for the amount of depressing posts lately but this is how i get it out of my system. if not for this space to release my emotion, i would not have realized that you are not my world, you can never be my world, and that when i let you go, my world will not fall apart. this is bigger than you and me, there's something greater holding this together.

3 comments:

setyourselfonfire said...

I'm here for you :)

Always praying for you my beautiful friend x

rebeccamay said...

i love you i love you i love you i love you
lets hang. sounds like we both need someone to have a good talk too baby. x

anntoot said...

i think my friend is in the same situation as you are. but i believe that you guys will be fine.

His love won't fail you. :D