words don't work for me anymore.

i've been trying for conversations and i've been trying for prayer and i've been trying to find the words but i think i've lost them somewhere and i've been searching in every place but every place has failed me and words just don't work for me anymore and it hardened my heart and removed my emotions and i've refused to look you in the eye and refused to let you in out of fear that my emotions would be too much to handle but you've been trying to teaching me not to fear and just to trust and to let it out and to let it go but it's taken this long for me to let you teach me and so far all i know is that you've taught me it's okay to cry and i'm not even going to pretend that picking up myself and straightening my clothes and wiping away my tears will make everything be okay because i can't pretend that there's some sort of answer to this sort of question and it's like i'm at a dead end and i only want to go forward but there's a not-so-imaginary wall that i'm about to stumble into and i have no option but to take myself and all my needs and wants and wishes and desires and go back to the start.