la la

chimes of freedom flashing.

2010-01-22T13:58:00.000-08:00

Far between sundown's finish an' midnight's broken toll

As majestic bells of bolts struck shadows in the sounds

Starry-eyed an' laughing as I recall when we were caught

Trapped by no track of hours for they hanged suspended

words, bob dylan
photos, victor vauthier

sleep to dream.

2010-01-10T12:58:00.000-08:00

I got my feet on the ground, and i don't go to sleep to dream. you got your head in the clouds and you're not at all what you seem. this mind, this body, and this voice cannot be stifled by your deviant ways. so don't forget what i told you, don't come around, i got my own hell to raise.

words, fiona apple
photos, lauren ward (of natalie)

i believe in you.

2010-01-03T00:39:00.000-08:00

your magic's real so why aren't you using it

you could have the world for yourself

you don't ever have to worry about losing it

the magic inside of you is infinite

photos, Viktor Vauthier
words, YACHT

2009-12-27T00:26:00.000-08:00

i know a girl.

2009-11-26T04:19:00.000-08:00

she puts the colour inside of my world

but she's just like a maze

where all of the walls all continually change

photos, oyster magazine
words, john mayer

it takes one to know one.

2009-11-19T12:20:00.000-08:00

you're looking skinny like a model with your eyes all painted black.

photo, unknown
words, bright eyes

ageless beauty.

2009-11-16T18:00:00.000-08:00

cruelty makes its holes but on the shoreline time will hold its promise
we will always be a light, you can see it from the surface, see it

so loosen your heart, underestimated, undefeated in this love
we will always be a light, you can see it from the surface, see it

photos, valetina vos
words, stars

hope there's someone, cause i'll be gone for a while.

2009-11-12T12:20:00.000-08:00

where i'm going you can't save me.
where i'm going you can't save me.
where i'm going you can't save me, yet.

picture, unknown.
words, the veils.

too young

2009-11-10T01:04:00.000-08:00

baby when i saw you turning at the end of the street, i knew a time was gone and it took me like ages

i tried my best to smile, but deep inside my heart i felt it was shouting like a crowd dancing

i guess i couldn't live without the things that made my life what it is.

photos, amanda austin
words, pheonix

it's bad.

2009-11-06T15:01:00.000-08:00

sometimes the beauty is easy

sometimes you don't have to try at all

sometimes you can hear the wind blow in a handshake

sometimes there's poetry written right on the bathroom wall

and it's bad that i wrapped you in a fantasy, and i carry you with me

and it's bad that i took a second look, i guess i'm an open book

you know i didn't really intend to embrace you that long

but then again, i wasn't the only one holding on

photos, david shama
words, ani difranco

she's got you high.

2009-11-03T22:33:00.000-08:00

she's got you high and you don't even know yet.

it's the search for the time before it leaves without you.

have you lost your mind or has she taken all of yours too?

what's this about? i figured love would shine through.

we've lost romance, this world has turned so see through

open your mind, believe it's going to come to

romance alive and hope she's going to tell you

photos, bella howard
words, mumma-ra

this one is about me.

2009-11-02T12:53:00.000-08:00

i have been given this award by where the wild wolves dream. thank you so much.

i would like to pass this award onto the following seven delightful blogs, who all play a role in my daily dose of inspiration;
studded hearts.
love more.
daughter of the soho riots.
this is glamorous.
young shields.
boubou tea time.
here comes the sun.

i now have to tell you seven random things about myself, so here goes.

1. i like change, love it in fact. thrive off it. i don't like things to stay the same, there's no excitement in that.

2. i always have a bunch of fresh wild flowers on my desk in my bedroom. my mum picks them for me, it's so cute. it makes my room feel brighter and me feel happier.

3. i'm obsessed with photography. my walls are covered, and my laptops memory has reached it's maximum more than once with the amount saved on my hard drive.

4. i find coming up with seven things about myself hard. i'd rather talk about you.

5. when i eat, i have to eat a bit of everything and go around the plate until i have one bit left of everything and i do it in reverse order of what i like best. same with coloured lollies.

6. i love it when you walk past a cute guy on the street and you both check each other out and then pretend not to but both turn around once you've past, and it's al really awkward but you both walk off with a shy smile on your face.

7. i am so unbelievably excited for the next few months. there is so much to look forward to, i am at the beginning of the rest of my life.

photo, old contact sheet from a film i took of my sister.

a destination known only by the one whose fate is overgrown.

2009-10-31T23:23:00.000-07:00

they can lead you, break or defeat you.
and they can tease you, break or complete you

photos, karen inderbitzen walker
words, feist

no stars, no presidence.

2009-10-27T13:13:00.000-07:00

were blessed but not lucky now, we may burn up upon re-entry

no stars no presidence, we may float through empty skys

how could you know there was something out there

how could I know what was on your mind if you were not dreaming too

photos, victor vathier
words, the evens

art star.

2009-10-26T14:35:00.000-07:00

i've been working on a piece that speak of sex and desperation.
i've been screwing on the tracks of abandoned train stations.
one, two, three four, art star, do do do do do do.

photo, unknown
words, yeah yeah yeahs

like you know i do.

2009-10-25T02:36:00.000-07:00

is your bed made?

is your sweater on?

do you want to?

like you know i do.

but this feels so unnatural.

photos, kamile gudmonaite
words, vampire weekend

every time you close your eyes.

2009-10-17T23:16:00.000-07:00

sleeping in is giving in, no matter what the time is.
sleeping in is giving in, so lift those heavy eyelids.

people say that your dreams are the only things that save you.
come on baby in our dreams, we can live our misbehaviour.

everytime you close your eyes,
every time you close your eyes, lies, lies!

people try and hide the night underneath the covers.
people try and hide the light underneath the covers.

hiding from your brothers underneath the covers,
come on hide your lovers underneath the covers.

now heres the sun, its alright! now heres the moon, its alright!
now heres the sun, its alright! now heres the moon, its alright!

photos, bella howard.
words the arcade fire.

take me out tonight

2009-10-14T21:06:00.000-07:00

oh take me anywhere i don't care i don't care i don't care

and in the darkened underpass i thought oh god, my chance has come at last

but then a strange fear griped me and i just couldn't ask.

photos, various unknown
words, the smiths

this radiation,

2009-10-12T21:04:00.000-07:00

raidiates pure joy at what the soil has given forth to us.

and this rollercoaster wont be boasting no more,
it hit the floor and flew apart in a ball of flames.

and this radio plays on, such sweet melodies,
now i'm in a haze if you're wondering where i went away.

we're out on the wing of this wobbly bird,
and we fall when we try to turn.

and this radiation,
raidiates pure joy at what the soil has given forth to us.

photos, mads teglers.
words, the pheonix foundation.

dark matter

2009-10-11T20:16:00.000-07:00

do you wonder where the self resides?

is it in your head or between your sides?

and who will be the one who will decide its true location?

photos, li hui.
words, andrew bird.

good love.

2009-10-07T15:04:00.000-07:00

Now I am searching how to get alone

This queen of heart's dancing on her throne

But I need sorrow, baby,

Life's sorrow is the drug

So will I ever find that place they call good love

photos from Platform
by Saga at The Never Ending Story
words by Bat For Lashes

tea parties.

2009-10-06T14:11:00.000-07:00

ooohh all i want to do is have a tea party. i've already started my collection of cute mismatched vintage tea cups for my flat next year. and i'm thinking of having a garden tea party for my birthday. we will drink cocktails out of teacups and dance in floral dresses under fairy lights into the night..

i wish they could see us now.

2009-10-05T18:31:00.000-07:00

people talk about my image like i come in two dimensions.
like lipstick is a sign of my declining mind.
like what i happened to be wearing the day that someone takes a picture
is my new statement for all of womenkind.

darling, i don't know how to tell you this, but there's a chinese family in our bathroom.

2009-10-04T21:23:00.000-07:00

saw 500 Days Of Summer the other night and love love loved it. you must see it.

and for anyone else who's a zooey deschanel fan, The Go Getter is another must see.

it's a fools game and your game face is shameful

2009-10-04T15:14:00.000-07:00

when the end comes, you'll see hydrogen electrolyzed.

bitter bloom, flightless skies, the fear, the doom it's no surprise.

realize, there's no sense in losing your mind before your time.

rise young sun, you're a tireless one.

when the morning comes, when you catch my sould upon waking,

will you make a wish, for the fools gain to equal his insane?

pictures, mark thecobrasnake
words, gregory and the hawk

fashion week, been and gone..

2009-09-28T17:07:00.000-07:00

sorry for being completely absent during what is the single most exciting and coveted event in NZ fashion. i've spent the last week backstage at Air NZ Fashion Week, and oh boy! what a treat! besides the amazing clothes, the male models were enough to keep me occupied aaaaaaall day. due to strict security measures i was restricted from taking any photos backstage, but i thought i'd share with you some of my favourite shows that i worked at.

firsty, what was probably my favourite collection of the week- Twenty Seven Names. a delish mix of cream, black, crochet, layers and chunky boots. i love love love it all, i'm sure you can see why...

Stolen Girlfriends Club made me almost wish it wasn't coming into summer with their blankety jackets, fringed capes and studs, yes please and thank youuuuu...

the Kate Sylvester show was interesting in general(men in dresses anyone?) but never the less, i did go a little gaga over all the stripes and feathers and fall madly in love with her fur jackets.

who was your favourite from ANZFW?

September

2009-09-16T21:48:00.000-07:00

the mere mention of this month sends fashion greats and followers alike into a frantic frenzy- i can hardly contain my excitement of being backstage at ANZFW all next week. nothing tickles my fancy more than following the many fashion weeks and being inspired by spring collections. a new discovery this year is Milly. oh so cute and oh so wearable, these are my favourite outfits from NY designer Michelle Smith's spring 2010 collection. (photos from style.com)

why hello world, throw more opportunity at me and i'll see if i can catch it.

2009-09-14T02:51:00.000-07:00

i feel as though i've reached the beginning of the beginning of the rest of my life. life is full and overflowing with potential. i am faced with a busy and challenging couple of months ahead, but i feel on top of things and that accomplishment is the light at the end of the tunnel, and hard work and perseverance are what is drawing me nearer.

today i handed over a completed and absolutely gorgeous wedding dress to an oh so excited bride. i love how it turned out but i hope no one asks me to make another wedding dress for a long time.

this week also brings my last two assigments of the year to an end.

and with next week comes the long antcipated air new zealand fashion week where i am working backstage helping models get dressed for the catwalk. i will also be blogging about what it happening behind the scenes on www.designerdirection.co.nz

i also find out next week how i have done in a national young designers competition, which could result in a cash prize, or an internship with a NZ designer of my choice, experience i would value so highly! oh, my fingers are crossed.

the next two weeks are holidays which need to be filled with study study study for exams first week back..

three weeks later, three real exams later, and i am out of school forever.

then comes awards ceremonies, levers dinner, my birthday, summer and party party party.

next year brings the most exciting change of all- the move to wellington. a city filled with wonderful fashion, art and architechture.

life is exciting. make the most of it.

photos by antonella arismendi ♥

spring.

2009-09-06T22:11:00.000-07:00

the air was full of sun and birds, the fresh air sparkled clearly

rememberence wakened in my heart, and i knew i loved her dearly

the fallows and the leafless trees and all my spirit tingled

my earliest thought of love and springs first puff of perfume mingled

in my heart the still thoughts awoke, came lone by lone together

say, birds and sun and spring

is love a mere affair of weather?

♥

"there is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so"

2009-09-03T18:01:00.000-07:00

words by william shakespeare.
photos from lina scheynuis' polaroid 100 project.

2009-08-23T21:13:00.000-07:00

wonderland.

2009-08-13T03:12:00.000-07:00

i cannot wait.

you are he and you are him.

2009-08-12T02:45:00.000-07:00

He and I had something beautiful
But so dysfunctional, it couldn't last
I'm still reeling from the loss
Still a little bit delirious
Near to you, I am healing
But it's taking so long
You and I have something different
And I'm enjoying it cautiously
I'm battle scarred, I am working oh so hard
To get back to who I used to be
He's disappearing
Fading suddelly
I'm so close to being yours
Won't you stay with me
Please
I only know that I am
Better where you are
I only know that I belong
Where you are
Near to you, I am healing
But it's taking so long
Though he's gone
And you are wonderful
It's hard to move on

ball shoes.

2009-05-05T13:44:00.000-07:00

yes? no? maybe?
i have two pairs of shoes on hold at different stores and i must decide between them today! ..these are my favorites but the others might be a little easier to get through the night in. it's too hard!!

disaster tourism.

2009-05-03T22:57:00.000-07:00

call me outside, and i'll come running down..

you call me outside, i'll come running down..

when i satisfied each need invented by my eyes,

i was a nest by a fox's hole or dirt underneath your boot soles.

when I satisfied each need invented by my eyes,

till it was nothing like I'd imagined.

like cocaine, their green eyes fixed on the television to pass the time,

until their two miles of elegant blinds halfway raised for the watching as you walked by:

"look, come to the window... she carries a candle at mid-day..while the sun's still so high!"

but you knew better than to pay mind to what people and the devil say.

call me outside..

i'll come running down into your vacant, intoxicating night.

if you call me outside to their haunted streets, their red electric lights!

oh, i'm on the sad side of a nowhere town,

but sister i'm all you've got,

so call me outside,

i'll come running down...

then,

not another word.

photos from thecobrasnake. words from mewithoutyou.

bring on 2010.

2009-04-29T20:53:00.000-07:00

tomorrow is may and so far this years been one of misfortunes.. not to be pessimistic but thinking over this year the things that jump out to me are my friend dying, my boyfriend moving overseas, a huge workload, a car crash and another unlucky car incident that happened yesterday.. i was driving to work and something fell off a truck coming the other way and it smashed into the drivers side of my car. it was possibly the scariest thing thats ever happened to me and it's going to cost about double what my cars worth to get all the damage fixed and to top the story off the guys in the truck drove off so i'm left to pay for it. sigh. savings for a new car start.. now.
2008 was the best year of my life.
2009 might just not be one for me.

but on a positive note, i love this editorial by Carl Bengtsson. it's beautiful.

when you laugh you'll feel my breath there, filling up your lungs.

and when you cry, those arent your tears, but im there falling down your cheek

and when you say you love him, taste me, im like poison on your tongue

but when your tired, if your quiet, you'll hear me singing you to sleep.

happy monday.

2009-04-26T20:36:00.001-07:00

i REALLY shouldn't be blogging right now. i started back at school today, but it's 4th period and i'm already back at home. i worked full time over holidays so my only rest was my four day trip to hamilton, which was so lovely. i have three research assignments to do as well as make the wedding dress and my ball dress. i have a ball date though, as of today, so i'm a bit more excited than i was- the thought of adding making my dress to my already huge work load didn't impress me! but anyway, this girl- hannah glasby, seems to be EVERYWHERE lately. she's only 17 as well! four days younger than me, turns out. anyway, here's her and avril alexander. photos from here.

have a lovely week x

you are light.

2009-04-26T19:50:00.000-07:00

You thought you couldn't live without him. On that very first day the weeks and months stretched ahead of you to infinity. They wrapped around the world, then circled the moon and drifted onwards to the very end of the universe. You followed this empty time as it skipped lazily across the sky. It forced you to look up at the stars until you lost yourself in their beauty. Suddenly, much to your surprise, time stood still as the sun rose and your broken heart was filled with light.

words from here.

oh, boy.

2009-04-21T21:59:00.000-07:00

i love these little books, by anna wolf.

1. What is your current obsession?
ripped shorts and lace stockings.

2. If you could have one superpower, what would it be?
to be able to fly.

3. What do you see outside your window?
a trampoline, washing line, and a whole lot of trees

4. What's your favourite colour?
does black count?

5. Your favourite weather?
cold but sunny. like those mornings when the air is really crisp and fresh, and it's cold, but the sun is warm.

6. Which animal would you be?
a deer. haha.. i'd be bambi.

7. What's for dinner?
i don't know. whatever mummy makes

8. If you could learn another language, which one would you choose?
french.

9. What's on your bedside table?
a lot.. my radio, some cds, jewelery, jane eyer, fashion quarterly, bobby pins, make up. oh AND my vintage singer sewing machine..my bedside table is my chest of drawers.

10. What's your favourite children's book?
where the wild things are. CAN'T WAIT for the film

11. What's your favourite thing to do in the summer?
swim. it's tied somewhere between the beach and waterholes.

12. What would you like to have in your hands right now?
the new frankie..c'mon nz!

13. What's your favourite tea flavour?
green tea with peach, green tea with rasberry, green tea with plum, green tea with lemon, green tea with.. get it?

14. If you could go anywhere in the world for an hour, where would you go?
an hour! ah. uhhh. i don't know. somewhere i haven't been. italy..but i want to go their for longer than an hour! lets say paris again.

15. What did you want to be as a child?
interior decorator

16. What's your favourite smell?
vanilla bodymist from the body shop. hands down. favourite smell ever.

photography also by anna wolf.

i love you but...

2009-04-18T17:50:00.000-07:00

loveyoubut.com

riddle me this.

2009-04-14T16:22:00.000-07:00

i know i've been absent from blogging once again, but real life is taking over and i'm so out of time for everything. however, i'd just like to showcase my friends debut collection.

her name; liz proverbs.
her label; riddleme.this.
the model; my little fifteen year old sister bridie morris.

watch this space.

http://www.riddlemethis.co.nz/

life is beautiful when i rise and when i fall.

2009-03-21T21:33:00.000-07:00

discontent in chasing the wind

i want to feel more than air on my skin

like the tide, feelings come and go
here today, and gone tomorrow

i want love
i want you
so take this beaten heart, and let it beat for you
cause i'm scared, and i'm scared

only you know how i feel when i say i don't want to feel anything, but love, true love

watch me bloom, cause soon i'll whither
but your love, it lasts forever
like the sun, life is beautiful
when i rise, and when i fall

cause i want love
i want you
so i'll take this beaten heart and let it beat for you
cause i'm scared, and i'm scared

only you know how i feel when i say i don't want to feel anything, but love, true love

photos from stardust sparkle
words by the ember days.

my love.

2009-03-17T00:09:00.000-07:00

the thing that poets write about
the thing that singers sing about
the thing that flowers bloom for
the thing that stars shine for
the thing that babies laugh for
the thing that jesus died for
the thing that winter waits for
the thing that trees reach for
the thing that attics stop for
the thing that widows die for

the thing the proud are humbled for
the thing the lonely are looking for
the thing that made me come alive the thing that made me realize..
that love is the most beautiful thing that anyone can have and do.

and i know that cause i knew you, now i know love

and for that i say thank you. i'm not bitter and i'm not mad

i'm just thankful for the times we had

so this is farewell, this is goodbye
oh your love was good, and our love was right

and i don't regret it, no, not a single night

so goodbye my love

goodbye my love

goodbye.

words by Bradley Hathaway.

thank you for all your lovely comments and i promise i'll find time to reply and do tags soon. i do hope you're all doing well. life is still hectic and i'm ready for it to slow down. i loved escaping with this photography..

sorry that i have no photo credits for this post.

i won't pass you by.

2009-03-10T17:48:00.000-07:00

sorry to have been so absent form the blogging world for the past week or so. a lot has happened. a friend from school died and the funeral has come and gone. my timmy has moved countries and so my times been taken up with seeing him off and now just missing him in general. i'm also so so busy with all my school work i and my sewing project is literally monopolizing my life. the world is too busy and i wish there were more hours in the day. i wish there was time to stop and take it all in. because i know, past the shallow wall of school and work and rushing around, there is a world full of beauty and days that tick slowly by.

i'll try find time for you soon, lovelys.

exploration.

2009-03-03T12:42:00.000-08:00

i have the day off school today. and i want to go exploring.

these photos by Juampi Bonino just make me want to get out

into a place with a little more freedom

where every step brings a new adventure

and every breath of air is a breath of life

oh breathe. breathe in deep.

nothing has changed.

2009-02-28T12:10:00.000-08:00

and you've opened the door for me.

2009-02-23T15:39:00.000-08:00

because under the stars

in the dark of night

you walked the shores with me

ran into the ocean with me

dived through waves with me

and you skipped, and you spun and you sung

"look up look up look up into the sky love. you see those stars shining so high up above us?"

i see those stars shining high up above us

but all i need to do is look at you

you are my shining light

so bright, so bright

you bring happiness

my new door.

i really want really long hair.

2009-02-22T16:49:00.000-08:00

really really.

by Gemma Booth

unknown

by Mark The Cobra Snake

unknown

Carlos Miele

Lisa Place

Sonia Rykiel

when one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us

2009-02-20T18:10:00.000-08:00

i know i know i know..

i'm looking at the wrong door.

i know.

problem is, i don't know how to shift my view,

how do i look for that new door?

dress-ups.

2009-02-17T23:16:00.000-08:00

i have been tagged by wonderful Rosie Posie Rosie to do the four tag! thank you love!

A: Four places that I go to over and over:

the sewing room at school, 27B(a flat that's soon to relocate to an amazing 1950's beach house!), the trees that are down a few houses from me- two huuuuge trees hang over a driveway and are absolutely amazing for climbing and having deep and meaningfuls. and the red studio(art supply store)

B: Four people who email me regularly:

my dad..that's it actually. i get emails from facebook, myspace and style.com, but i don't think they count as much,

C: Four favourite smells:

vanilla!! fresh air on a cold but sunny morning(i swear it smells different), good coffee, his smell.

D: Four places I would rather be right now:

wednesday jazz night at the orange zephyr(which is where i would be if it hadn't shut down. damn recession!) climbing the trees with antony, driving to nowhere, watching movies in bed with him..

E: Four people I tag:

Oh, Bother, Young Mind, Rachel Hope, and Here Comes The Sun

F: Four TV shows I watch:

i don't ever actually watch tv.. but i do enjoy project runway, americas next top model, gilmore girls and friends.

i'm currently looking for ball dress inspiration..i take two sewing classes at school and for one i'm making a wedding dress and for the other i'm making my ball dress.

i'm a little stick though. i'm thinking something backless..with a wicked feature at the front and lots of floaty fabric.. maybe an over-the-sholdour look.. or maybe something short and fun..i don't know.. it's my last year and it needs to be good. any ideas?

i used to think that the day would never come when my life would depend on the morning sun.

2009-02-17T11:39:00.000-08:00

sigh.

so i need you now. you shine bright and you are my hope.

sunshine.

2009-02-14T23:38:00.000-08:00

i haven't posted anything in a while cause i've been super busy..here's a quick rundown of my past week and a bit.

i started school again.

i got a car! yay! ..and had my first car crash(which was not my fault..they drove straight in to the back of me)

i also got a laptop! ..and managed to break the charger already. which is super inconvenient cause it has all my school work for sewing on it. which leads me to the next thing-

i'm making a wedding dress for school sewing (which i am absolutely terrified about screwing up)

i also started my new job which is so much fun!

more recently, i jumped off a really high cliff at the waterhole yesterday..and i am still way too proud of myself for doing it haha. that, plus a wicked house show on friday night and Joes 21st last night made for a good weekend.

and my darling friend Amanda fromHere Comes The Sun gave me my first award.

i'd like to pass it on to Tigermilk who has a lovely blog filled with beautiful photographs.

these photos by Bec Parsons reminded me of Derek Hendersons, and i love them just as much.

you are my sunshine, my only sunshine. you make me happy when skies are grey. you'll never know dear, how much i love you. please don't take my sunshine away.

look up into the stars, love

2009-02-03T22:44:00.000-08:00

i built a house and lived alone inside the woods

i stayed there as long as i could until he said it was doing me no good

he said we're all living lives of a quiet desperation

i started to believe him so i looked up to the constellations

the starts were burning bright so bright and bright and far apart

well them together though they created a work of art

look up look up look up look up into the sky love

you see that moon shining so high up above us

it rolls around on account of a bunch of scientific stuff

i like to think it does just because he loves us

i left them lonely woods and i moved into the city

traded those stately pines for concrete and prairies

didn't have to look up at the stars burning in the night sky

i saw them burning the eyes of the people that were passing by

some are bright and bright and burning happily along

others had sadly burned out long ago

look up look up look up look up into the sky love

you see that moon shining so high up above us

it rolls around on account of a bunch of scientific stuff

i like to think it does just because he loves us

words by bradley hathaway and photos by bec parsons.

2009-02-03T11:08:00.001-08:00

this isn't a post pretending to be happy or trying to convince myself that i'm happy..i am happy. it doesn't make sense, but i am.

weeping may last through the night, but joy comes with the morning.

2009-01-31T15:11:00.000-08:00

this is a positive post about all things happy because it's a new day and the sun has been shining and because psalm 30:5 promises joy in the morning :)

today i slept until 12(much needed) and then spent the afternoon with my longest and dearest friend who i have seen a disappointingly lack of lately. we had a picnic under a huge oak tree and it was so great to catch up with him.

things that make me happy:

- wild flowers! especially daisys. wearing them in my hair.

- pretty photographs. photos hold a lot of power and i love that they can stop time and hold memories, and the beauty that can be captured in a single frame blows me away.

- new stationary, which i got yesterday!

- and pretty new lingerie, which i also got yesterday!

- sunny days. this should be at the top of the list..summer days when the sun is shining and i can spend my time outside puts me in such a good mood it's almost magical.

- pretty summer dresses

- green tea and dark chocolate

- finding good music. and by good i mean the kind that has lyrics that are utterly genius, and a sound that blows your mind into little pieces with every note. like mewithoutYou..they make me happy.

- so does Bradley Hathaway.

- painting my nails!

- my friends. wow. if i didn't have my girls(and boys) i don't think happiness would even exist in my life.

- op shop bargains! like i also got yesterday :)

- when people ask me if i'm wearing fake eyelashes.

- making lists..life wouldn't work without them.

photos by Derek Henderson, spread from RUSSH.

it will not fall apart.

2009-01-31T03:16:00.000-08:00

i've been so busy lately. parachute took up my weekend and then year 13 camp took up my week..now it's the weekend and i'm planning on relaxing because i go back to school on wednesday next week..still debating whether that is good or bad news, but camp was fun and i'm pretty keen to get back into it because it means two periods of sewing a day and fun fashion shows to work towards!

and in other news..i got another job! it's at a clothing store. and the car i was meant to get isn't exactly what i wanted so 'm in the process of looking for another one. i found the cutest old baby blue car today which i'm totally keen on calling mine soon..but lets see how it goes.

it's ironic that this post seems positive when the only way to describe the state i'm in right now is fucked over. i feel completely and utterly fucked over. and the worst thing is that i knew this was coming. my family and friends(and star sign, apparently) say i have the ability to see the positive aspect in every situation but right now i'm a little stuck. stuck and torn. so so torn about what to do. i feel like i'm in a completely lose-lose situation. and back to talking about risks, i'm not sure which alternative is worth the risk because which ever way i go i'm putting myself on the line.

that's what i'm trying to convince myself..that no matter how crap my situation is, no matter how much i put on the line, and how much i lose, how much is ripped out of my control, no matter how far gone i am, how deep in i am..that the world will not fall apart.

and i do apologize for the amount of depressing posts lately but this is how i get it out of my system. if not for this space to release my emotion, i would not have realized that you are not my world, you can never be my world, and that when i let you go, my world will not fall apart. this is bigger than you and me, there's something greater holding this together.

"the only way to find true happiness is to risk being completely cut open."

2009-01-25T19:04:00.000-08:00

i risked having those wounds for you. i took the chance of being cut open and completely broken on you. and my willingness to risk it all on you grows stronger and stronger and weaker and weaker at the same time.

and the fulfillment, yes, i have felt it, i have felt your happiness and our wise friend Chuck Palahnuik has proven his point..i've risked myself to find that feeling but now it's coming and it's going and i'm wondering if next time it goes it'll be gone for good.

if only Palahnuik would reveal the secret of the next step for those taking his advice, if only he'd whisper in my ear and tell me true happiness is allowed to be a wavering feeling..because i'm not sure this is what true happiness feels like, and now i'm wondering if you were worth the risk.

photos from here.

oh so.

2009-01-25T18:53:00.000-08:00

i saw Bradley Hathaway perform last night and the mixture of oh so genius poetry, oh so delicate singing and oh so charming wit made me want to spin in circles(and maybe declare my undying love). there was a lot of good new australian talent and of course all the friends and locals, but Bradley tops the list of new discoveries this weekend.

They say that

"Sometimes you're further than the moon

and Sometimes closer than my skin."

Indeed

I remember when you were closer than my skin.

Those were the evenings spent alone with you in bliss.

Those were the mornings you awoke me with a gentle kiss.

And these are the evenings I sit alone and wish and reminisce.

These are the mornings when I wake to an alarm clock after falling asleep

with the hurting thought

"Why have you forsaken me?"

it's that time again!

2009-01-22T00:41:00.000-08:00

say hello to a weekend of music, friends, heat, and all round good times.

good news.

2009-01-20T14:08:00.000-08:00

this seems to be the week for it!

yesterday i went job hunting. and i already have three interviews :)

two are tomorrow. eeeeeeeek. i hate interviews. i hope they go okay... and that i get one of the jobs. i think i will, i have a really good feeling about this :) and i love that within half an hour of dropping my CV in i already had two calls to set up interviews.

also, on monday i found out i'm getting a car. finally. next week i will have my own set of wheels!

and i received my exam result from last year and passed NCEA2 with merit :)

and my boys band got added to Select Live this week too. it's a TV show where you vote to have their music video played. (S135 to 4440 if you're from NZ and want to be a darling and help a friend out)

good news all round!

and now, i'm going to the beach :)

by elias tahan.

hello heartache;

2009-01-19T02:08:00.000-08:00

i can hear you and you're screaming heartbreak.

you're following me and with every step you gain i get closer to falling into your arms. you're captivating me, taking me hostage, i'm becoming a slave to your tricks.

keep telling yourself that. keep telling yourself they're tricks.

so i'm running, running away from you. i'm hiding my face and i'm hiding my rationality behind my emotions because i've caught a glimpse of you and i don't like what you look like.

keep telling yourself that. keep telling yourself you can hide from it.

because the songs are saying it, and the photographs are capturing it. the books, the films, they're all telling the story. the story of heartbreak...and the happy ending.

keep telling yourself that. keep telling yourself there's a happy ending.

stop it. stop it. stop it. i don't want to hear you.

just shh.

please, shh.

summer lovin'

2009-01-19T01:48:00.000-08:00

i've said it before and i will say it again; i love love love summer.

is there anything better?

and so the lion fell in love with the lamb.

2009-01-14T00:03:00.000-08:00

"what a stupid lamb."

"what a sick, masochistic lion."

last night i saw Twilight. i loved it. i also love Kristen Stewart who plays Bella. i first saw her in her appearance in Into The Wild. she kind of reminds me of Ally Sheedy when she was younger, and in some photos i see a more grown-up hint of Ellen Page. both good things of course.

the whole cast:

Kristen and Rob Pattinson(Edward Cullen)

(photos from Vanity Fair.)

2009-01-11T01:44:00.000-08:00

oh, freedom.

2009-01-09T00:08:00.000-08:00

the past week i have been here..whangamata, tairoa, hot water beach, hahei, sailors grave, cooks beach, cathedral cove, whitianga, whangapoa, matarangi, coromandel, paunui.. we visited all the beaches at these places, plus a whole lot of waterholes. hopping between batches and sleeping on beaches in between; this week has been one of the best yet. heres some snapshots of our trip and my beautiful country:

what a wonderful road trip. it's the best feeling being free with no commitments and just having time to waste .

everything is beautiful and nothing hurts.

2009-01-02T20:36:00.000-08:00

with you everything is perfect, everything falls into place and nothing matters but being there, one hundred percent, with you, present, engaged and alive. because you bring out the best in me and you don't only make me feel beautiful and worthy, but you make me believe that i am beautiful and worthy; with you i am happy with who i am.

i haven't blogged in a while, i've been away camping for new years. it was so much fun.

and on that note; it's 2009.

i'm scared of this year disappearing as quickly as '08 did. i'm not sure what to expect of it, but i definitely don't want to waste it. time is the one thing that really is constant in this world, something i have no power over whatsoever; i can't speed it up and i can't slow it down, i can't go back in time to change the past. the only power i hold is in how i live in every second, every minute, hour, day, week, month..in every year that i am presented with. and presented with 2009 i have decided to go back to school and do 7th form, to commit my time to doing all i can as a leader in my church, and in my school. i aspire to spend more time with people i don't know, and to be an inspiring and encouraging person to be around. i want each moment of time i have to be filled with joy and adventures. this year, i will embrace spontaneity.

this is Zadie.

2008-12-26T22:02:00.000-08:00

she was sc ared of seeing herself in the webcam haha,
but ain't she cute.

2008-12-25T18:52:00.000-08:00

cute photos by Stefania Paparelli.

sleeping in fields.

2008-12-25T18:20:00.001-08:00

yesterday, after our family christmas celebrations had died down we all went to the beach and then me, christian and mike set out to have our own christmas dinner only to be let down by all the supermarkets being closed. so we had noodle canteen in the middle of a huge field haha and it was surprisingly beautiful! and so after opening presents with christmas music, candlelight, eggnog, christmas "be merry" tea, christmas cookies and japanese sake, we kidnapped maria and went back to the field to sleep under the stars. it was a magical ending to christmas day.

but there's more festivity, food and presents to come tonight with another family bbq before our friends christmas dinner at the flat.

and today i went shopping woooooooo :) i have so many summer dresses now, i love it!

and to add to officially having the best boyfriend ever, i have the best friends ever.

happy birthday jesus.

2008-12-24T14:08:00.000-08:00

i love all the festivity that comes with christmas :) here's some snapshots from my christmas eve dinner.

our yummy cocktails :)

candlelit dinner..

and, i officially have the best boyfriend ever.

ah.

i hope everyone is having an amazing christmas- and remember, jesus is the reason for the season!

tag!

2008-12-22T15:22:00.000-08:00

yay, thanks Amanda(Here Comes The Sun) for tagging me.
the rules: share six things that make you happy and tag six amazing starry-eyed bloggers!

tag, you're it!

Girl Meets NYC

my Lens Of love

Soir de Fete

Thumbelina
Endless Dreams
nicest things

and six things that make me happy:

1. mewithoutYou

i don't know what it is about them, but there's something about their music, and it captivates me. Aaron Wiess is a lyrical genius.

2. Summer!

everything about summer makes me happy- the sun, the beach, being on holiday, summer dresses, the sea and swimming in it day and night, bonfires, beach hair, sunglasses and bikinis, flatting at the mount, road trips with the windows right down, tanning, summer soundtracks, days that go on forever.. i could go on..

3. Photography by Lina Scheynuis

www.linascheynius.com

4. Zadie and Zion

okay, so i don't have pictures to show you yet but Zadie and Zion are the two kittens that J and Steph got for the flat yesterday and they are soooo ADORABLE!! they're six weeks old and are the cutest balls of fluff i've ever seen. and oh, when they run! it's so cute!

5. Tim

this picture was taken the night that he asked me to be his girlfriend. he's making a funny face and it makes me happy.

and,

6. holding hands..

it's cute.

does it really matter?

2008-12-16T03:12:00.001-08:00

i'm trying, i'm trying, i'm trying to figure out what it is that really matters.

i'm trying, i'm trying, i'm trying to figure out if it really matters.

i'm trying, i'm trying, i'm trying to figure out if anything really matters.

what is it, in this world, that really does matter? what is important? is there anything? anything worthy of our attention and our devotion? is there anything really worthy of putting my time into? what should i focus on? what should i desire? where, oh where, are the answers...? where should i look? my scenery is littered with messages of materialism and all things temporary. and what, if any, of these things really matter?

is it the clothes, the fashion, the style, the way we fix our hair and what we put on our face or the way we walk and the way we talk that is the definitive factor of who we are? really, really...what are these things in comparison to who we are? what makes us? what makes me? who am i? who do you say i am? does it matter? what is opinion but a wavering thought, and why should we let it affect us? why should we let the perspective of another make us, let it tell us who we are and what to make of life, what to do with life?

what is it that i should put into this life? does that define what i will get out of it? should i jump forward, one foot in front of the other in careless bounds and leaps or shall i reserve myself, and tread with caution...? should i protect myself from heartbreak or let go with no fear of being hurt... what should i make of this life? is there anything here, on this earth, that will stand the test of time? does it all really matter?

because i'm trying, i'm trying, i'm trying to figure out what it is that really matters.

i'm trying, i'm trying, i'm trying to figure out if it really matters.

i'm trying, i'm trying, i'm trying to figure out if anything really matters.

(photography by Stefania Paparelli)

catch for us the foxes.

2008-12-16T02:14:00.000-08:00

(Lina Scheynius photography)

So turn your ears, you musicians, to silence. Because they only come out when it's quiet, their tails brushing over your eyelids... Oh, wake up, sleepers, and rise from the dead! Or the fur that they shed that's gonna lay on your bed, in a delicate orange-ish cinnamon red...ah, but I don't need this! I don't need this! For I have my loves...I don't need this.

and when the night is cloudy, there is still a light.

2008-12-11T17:47:00.000-08:00

I finally watched Across The Universe the other night and l-o-v-e-d it..

Words are flowing out like endless rain into a paper cup.

They slither while they pass, they slip away across the universe..

Pools of sorrow waves of joy are drifting through my open mind, possessing and caressing me

Images of broken light, which dance before me like a million eyes,

that call me on and on across the universe..
Thoughts meander like a restless wind inside a letter box,

they tumble blindly as they make their way across the universe..

Whisper words of wisdom, let it be.

And when the broken hearted people living in this world agree,

There will be an answer, let it be.

For though they may be parted there is still a chance that they will see,

There will be an answer, let it be.

Let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be.

There will be an answer, let it be.

and i also love this spring 09 collection from french designer Heimstone.

especially the floaty coral dress. and the leather jackets.

it's been a few days and i've had a fun weekend including Rachels 18th, an acoustic show, friday night with Janelle and saturday night with Tim, summer hangouts at the beach and Js pool, catch ups with my sister and family christmas dinner with my cousins before they move back to england. and so today i just cleaned up from last night, hung out with Mike for a bit and then got free dinner from work :) i hope it's sunny tomorrow so i can go to the beach.

yeah, i'll tell you something, i think you'll understand, when i say the something..

i wanna hold your hand, i wanna hold your hand, i wanna hold your hand.

yeah you, you got that something, i think you'll understand, when i feel that something..

i wanna hold your hand, i wanna hold your hand, i wanna hold your hand.

the sky is full of dreams but i don't know how to fly.

2008-12-09T01:28:00.000-08:00

(photography by Lina Scheynius)

today it was raining which i would usually say was dumb considering i'm on summer holidays and wish for the beach everyday but it wasn't dumb because tim took the day off work and we watched movies all day. and we put up our christmas tree tonight, i was hoping that it would somehow make it feel like the holiday season but it still doesn't feel like christmas time and it's crazy to think that in two and a half weeks it'll have come and gone. i think a few more decorations and gingerbread lattes in starbucks christmas cups and family dinners and missy higgins albums will put me in the mood. i'm not even concerned about receiving gifts this year, but i want to make some people smile and i've started making some cutesy things for some special people and it's reminding me of the amazing friends i have..speaking of which, janelle surprised me with a big smile and a pretty bunch of flowers just in time to make my day today. the day which is going to be out in 36 minutes, and so i'm going to retire in hope of some sweet sweet dreams.

i wish.

2008-12-07T18:55:00.000-08:00

i found this fabric in the scraps pile at a fabric store today, i haven't made anything in a while and i thought while the weathers taking a break from being amazingly sunny i should do something productive and make another skirt..

and see this necklace-

Christian made it for me for my birthday. the picture doesn't show it really well, but it says my name..he's so rad. i have the coolest friends. J got me an old singer vintage hand crank sewing machine, it's so wicked! and they took me on a romantic picnic at the beach as the sun was setting with wine and strawberries and chocolate cake and candles..the works! and then we celebrated with everyone at Nautilus on saturday- i love that place, it's looks out over the water to the mount and it's so pretty. Antony played some tunes and it was wicked, just really chill. i'll get photos to post from the last weekend soon, i have to go to work in a minute.

i've spent every sunny dat at the beach for the last couple weeks, i love summer so much. i am blessed to live in such a beautiful place. todays a bit grey though, not beach weather but that's okay..i'll stick with that theme.

i wish you didn't have to go.

yesterday was so much fun.

2008-12-01T14:22:00.000-08:00

yesterday Tim took me to auckland for my birthday and took me to rainbows end cause i had never been before haha but it was a surprise until we got there and he made me ride the roller coaster four times and go on the fear fall twice, i was so scared, but it was so much fun. and last night we went to Kanye West and that was epic. the sound at vector arena is extremely average but it was still a really good show. so i say again, yesterday was so much fun.

these are so cute.

2008-11-27T14:32:00.000-08:00

end of school/exams party today! i love summer!

and i've found the only words that fit scribbled on a wall somewhere.

2008-11-26T17:08:00.001-08:00

words don't work for me anymore.

2008-11-26T15:39:00.000-08:00

i've been trying for conversations and i've been trying for prayer and i've been trying to find the words but i think i've lost them somewhere and i've been searching in every place but every place has failed me and words just don't work for me anymore and it hardened my heart and removed my emotions and i've refused to look you in the eye and refused to let you in out of fear that my emotions would be too much to handle but you've been trying to teaching me not to fear and just to trust and to let it out and to let it go but it's taken this long for me to let you teach me and so far all i know is that you've taught me it's okay to cry and i'm not even going to pretend that picking up myself and straightening my clothes and wiping away my tears will make everything be okay because i can't pretend that there's some sort of answer to this sort of question and it's like i'm at a dead end and i only want to go forward but there's a not-so-imaginary wall that i'm about to stumble into and i have no option but to take myself and all my needs and wants and wishes and desires and go back to the start.

only by the night.

2008-11-24T17:56:00.000-08:00

i want to go to Kings Of Leon so badly..

i had my last exam today and it feels sooo good to be free! no school no exams no nothing for like three months! summer's officially here for me! i'm so happy!

and lastly,

i'm so stoked on this lace fabric i found at an op shop the other day for $5! this is what i made:

this is hard.

2008-11-23T12:50:00.000-08:00

coldplay lyrics would be fitting today wouldn't they?

sigh.

my head hurts. i've had a crazy headache for the last couple days and i'm just over tired and dizzy. i can't find my diary under the masses of junk in my bedroom as a result of coming home last night and chucking all my bags and everything from my bed on the floor and collapsing in bed. it's annoying, i didn't realize i relied on it so much.

i really like these pictures of Cory.

and this is because i'm bored and extremely talented at procrastinating..

4 things I did today: it's only 11 am but i have
-woken up to Nates birthday invitation.
-make alterations on two dresses i bought from an op shop yesterday.
-received the silliest relationship advice ever heard from my mother.
-experienced mewithoutYou (listening to them is an experience that includes listening, dancing, singing- and i bit of shouting- and a whole lot of inspiration)

..that reminded me i need to eat breakfast.

4 things on my to do list today:
-cancel booking for my birthday at Soho and confirm numbers and make booking at Nautilus.
-study for my history exam.
-make skirt from the lace fabric i bought the other day.
-decide on a dress to wear to Amandas wedding.

4 of my guiltiest pleasures:
-wasting my time on the internet instead of studying.
-eating mi goreng noodles. in bulk ..so terribly bad for me.
-the vintage 'come to papa' chair we bought for the flat the other day. it's so comfortable i will race you to it and kill you if you get there first.
-dreaming of how things could be and ignoring the fact that some things just can't happen.

4 random facts about me:
-i have 8 pillows and cushions on my bed and can't sleep properly without them.

-i love history. it's my favorite subject after sewing and i would come to school just for history this year when most people wagged that period.
-i love Michael Jackson. i still listen to the record i have from when he was black.
-i love to wear heels. although my boyfriend wishes i wore nike air force ones haha.

and this picture makes me happy.

life is so happy.

2008-11-20T16:52:00.000-08:00

it always is.

i was telling my mum the plans i have for the next few weeks as we drove home today and she said to me: "ayla, why don't you just stop and slow down, you're doing so much."

why? why would i want to? i don't understand. i'm doing all i want to do and having fun but i'm still enjoying lazy days and the experiencing the beauty that life holds.

i told her: "it's because this is the best time of my life and i want to make the most of it"

"but that's what you said last year"

"yeah. and i'll say it every year from now until they're all gone, because every year is the best year when you make the most of what you have."

i discovered Elisabeth Arkhipoff in Russh when Rebecca was doing my hair for her course today. i really love her art work:

bliss.

2008-11-19T22:37:00.000-08:00

this is a picture from my friends collection promo. keep an eye out for Liz Proverbs! 2nd year design student but she's got talent.

and i'm digging Rebecca Taylors new look for this summer at the beach..

SO EXCITED about summer. two exams down, one to go and i am officially free!! plans so far: NOTHING! well that's a bit of a lie..i plan and moving into the flat and going to the beach every day.

oh,

bliss.

"fashion will beat the recession"

2008-11-12T17:02:00.000-08:00

the words of a guest speaker at the fashion show on tuesday night. i wish i had photos from it to share some of the wonderful collections! namely Liz's.

it's been so hot lately and i've been eating strawberries and wearing shorts all week..today's the first day it's clouded over. i love summer and i don't even have to say "i can't wait for summer holidays" anymore, cause i finished school yesterday and i'm freeeeeeee!!! (except exams, but that's a breeze, i've already passed the year)

i wish i could dress in Rachel Comey for summer

oh and, i died my hair back to dark brown.

i'm so excited for this weekend- Thursday night: road trip to Auckland with Tim, Tiff, and Josh for a show at Coast Primal, Friday night: Robbies leaving drinks in Hamilton, Saturday night: Amanda's hens night in Hamilton!

2008-11-10T11:14:00.000-08:00

i don't really have anything to say but i just wanted to post a picture with the most amazing girl in the world.

thanks for everything.

happy one month baby.

2008-11-09T00:45:00.000-08:00

goodnight and go.

2008-11-07T15:12:00.000-08:00

after my only full day of school this week, hanging out with J and three of her crazy crazy 10 year old boys and a night of waitressing(a job which i intended to quit last night, but somehow ended up being rostered on to work tonight as well) i showed my face at Gems show, went for coffee and ice cream with the girls before leaving town to hang with Tim. i'm so tired. and so, sew is what i decided to do with my saturday:

inspired by:

(from Oct issue of NYLON)

Skipping beats, Blushing cheeks. I am... struggling.. Daydreaming, Bed scenes in... the corner cafe. And then I'm left in bits recovering tectonic... tremblings. You get me every time. Oh, why'd ya have to be so cute? It's impossible to ignore you, Must you make me laugh so much? It's bad enough we get along so well.. Say goodnight and go. Why's it always always: goodnight and go? Oh, Darling not again, Goodnight and... go...

i love andy

2008-11-04T19:20:00.000-08:00

November 5th

2008-11-04T12:34:00.000-08:00

today is one month until my birthday, and i have no idea how we got here. i have no idea where this year has gone and ever since i realized that we're in November, and that next month is not just my birthday but it's Christmas and New Years. and the years disappeared and we're starting again in 2009, i've been in a constant state of freak-out (i know that's not a word but i can't think of anything to describe how stumped this has made me). i swear i looked at the calendar in July and all it took was a blink to get to November. now i have 4 days of school left and three exams to go until summer.

maybe i was freaking out because i thought i've wasted this year, but thinking back on it this has been the busiest and best year of my life. me and frances spent class yesterday reflecting on all the good and fun things that have happened to us this year. i will elaborate:

- firstly, starting the year at camp, with worship bang on the changing of the years

- parachute

- summer's DREAM TEAM and trips to the batch and the lake house

- becoming a leader at Primal

- going overseas! (the definite highlight of the whole year) getting to go to England, Wales, France, Australia and Thailand.

- seeing my Grandma for the first time since i was about 10 and my dad for the first time in a year

- preaching for the first time at Primal and taking Underground for the first time

- getting to see Rachel get married (your turn soon Amanda!)

- entering fashion shows and winning and overlocker from it!!

- being involved with Invisible Children, putting on successful events

- going to my first ball!

- going to WOW awards in Wellington (funest school trip of my life!)

- got my first tattoo (it's true that nothing can separate me from the love of God- i have it written on me for life! haha)

- passing Level 2 NCEA before the year has even finished

- and i can say safely that there has been road trips for at least every third weekend for this year. it has been so much fun, and there are still more to come before the year is out.

this year has been the first year when i have been completely solid and sold out for God. the places he has taken me have already been beyond what i would have thought. through ups and downs his love really has sustained me. at the beginning of the year this was the scripture God gave me for 08:

Exodus 34:10-11: The Lord replied, "All right, this is the covenant I am going to make with you. I will perform wonders that have never been done before anywhere in all the earth or in any nation. And all the people around you will see the power of the Lord- the awesome power I will display through you. Your responsibility is to obey all the commands I am giving you today. Then I will surely drive out all those who stand in your way"

this has been fulfilled in some ways, but i don't believe it has been to any extent of which it was first meant. i'm really craving that fire which i had for the first half of the year, i'm really longing to be head over heels again. i just don't know how to do it.

and although i lost the girl who was my best friend this year, i have grown from this and not only restored old friendships but built new ones and now i have to say i am so blessed to know the people i do and the people who i am privileged enough to spend my time and share lives ups and downs with are hands down the most amazing people i have ever met. i couldn't see my self without J in my life- our friendship is so special and the way the puzzle pieces of our lives and characteristic fit together is beyond my understanding.

and although i spent at least 6 months of this year holding on to the idea of a certain boy and trying to make things work(which in no way do i regret, the things i learnt from this are priceless), i finally let go and now i have the most amazing boyfriend, who is my friend and my boy. that's the way i always wanted it to be. this came so unexpectedly and it truly does rest on the advice i've so often given others, that you only find someone when you stop looking. i'm so lucky to have Tim.

and mention should also go to Mike. he has officially been my longest friend and has stuck by me through all the ups and all the downs and supported me in everything even when he has disagreed with my choices, stuck with me in every silly phase i've been through. and without being cheesy, i actually don't know where we'd be without each other.

everything in this year has been amazing. i still don't know where it's gone, and i'm not even going to say i'm looking forward to 09, i'd prefer to stay where we are thanks.

oh, what are we becoming

2008-10-30T20:52:00.000-07:00

today was a busy day. i spent every period except for history in the sewing room getting my stuff done, and i handed it in right on the bell. it's such a relief to have it all done. now i have 7 and a half days of school left to focus on my three classes i have exams for. for some reason i seem to feel really stressed, even after a three day week at school. it's silly, i don't have anything to be stressed about, my worries are small. insignificant.

stop.

and breathe.

breathe.

but anyway, this is the skirt i made yesterday:

i'm excited for tomorrow. it's girls day- me and J are going shopping for little black dresses and heels for her dinner tomorrow night. can't wait :)

and he said "you are magic"

2008-10-27T15:49:00.000-07:00

i'm having the day off school today- i'm just exhausted, i don't know why. and i'm sick again so i couldn't sleep well last night.

anyway, i got a whole heap of photos printed out and i just stuck them on my wall- i'm loving it. so here's some more photos from my bedroom, just for the sake of it.

the photo wall:

um..the other wall?

and my babies:

i need to study for my exams, but i really have no attention span today. i just want to sleep.

J's coming round soon to hang out- that'll be nice. she's the best best-friend ever.

and he stopped, and he took my hands, and he looked at me, and he said "you are magic"

but baby baby baby, you are my magic.

road trip.

2008-10-25T23:18:00.000-07:00

just a picture post with some snaps from yesterday. i have amazing friends.

i'm excited.

2008-10-23T01:21:00.001-07:00

these last two weeks have been crazy- i've never used my diary this much ever, i don't know what i'd do without it.. i've been so busy- school, studying, work, church, cafe nights, friends and boyfriend- i haven't had one night off this term. i'm looking forward to the long weekend coming tomorrow. after i get work out of the way it's freedom until tuesday. road trip to auckland again on saturday! and plans for the beach :)

can't wait for the new Frankie.

agape.

2008-10-18T01:42:00.000-07:00

on friday night we had our IC acoustic show. it went SO well. the place was so packed we had to turn people away,and the crowd was really into it to, there was such a good atmosphere and the night was topped off with a Coldplay cover and singalong. and on top of entry fee we got a whole lot of donations as well and fundraised a wicked amount of money from just a cafe acoustic show. i'm organizing another show with some bands at the moment too, hopefully at Mosaic. but here's a couple pictures:

the last picture is the funniest because of Christian haha oh. and he's getting me and Tim to model his new Crumb stuff, that'll be cool. and i can't wait to see all the designs actually on shirts.

we went to Auckland really early this morning too- that was a fun road trip. heard Phil Pringle preach and went to a 21st bbq. really happy to see all my Auckland girls :) like Catherine:

i have amazing friends.

oh and once last thing; i got my tattoo yesterday! we took this photo in terrible light, i'll take a good one where you can see it properly once it's done it's thing and healed. this is mine and Tims wrists.

it says 'agape' by the way.

cause when you're gone, all the colors seem to fade.

2008-10-16T15:43:00.001-07:00

i'm taking a break from studying. it's intense..

i slept in this morning so i just decided to take the day off and study at home- except for my field trip to Beverly Productions this afternoon. it's where a whole lot of designers like Karen Walker get their garments made. it'll be fun.

we had out fashion show on wednesday. it was heaps of fun. here's a couple pictures but i wish i had photos in the cool stuff i got to wear(i did model the grey dress but it was not by any stretch the coolest thing i got to wear) but i just want to show off how hot my little sister is. it's unfair almost.

and my sewing girls :)

oh and also- i have a boyfriend now :) hahaha he's...wonderful.

*sigh*

back to study.

busy week next week..

2008-10-11T13:30:00.000-07:00

i go back to school on monday, i have work three evenings out of five, i have a date with Janelle and a date with Tim, our big fashion show on wednesday, primal on thursday night,the invisible children fundraiser show on friday, my tattoo on saturday and acoustic sessions semi's or Rachel's 20th in Auckland on saturday night. i have two big assignments due as well, and on top of that i'm really sick. i have to go to the doctor soon.

and i'm meant to be fasting as part of church next week, but i can't do food fasts because of the pills i have to take, so i'm going to give up the internet instead, because stupidly, that's crazy hard for me. but it'll be good because i'll spend any spare time i have having God time instead of on here.

see ya'll next sunday.

Kahil Gibran

2008-10-10T15:11:00.000-07:00

i'm procrastinating.

i'm trying to finish all my work for school next week.. and today i realized there are only 6 weeks until my summer holidays start! including exams! well, six weeks and two days if you wanna get precise.

i'm going over to Cambridge for In His Honor tonight. that should be fun.

and i can't believe i've never read the works of Kahil Gibran before. he is supposedly the third most famous poet in history. his words hold so much beauty and inspiration. and i just think this one is cute, haha :)

'And now you ask in your heart, "How shall we distinguish that which is good in pleasure from that which is not good?"
Go to your fields and your gardens, and you shall learn that it is the pleasure of the bee to gather honey of the flower,
But it is also the pleasure of the flower to yield its honey to the bee.
For to the bee a flower is a fountain of life,
And to the flower a bee is a messenger of love,
And to both, bee and flower, the giving and the receiving of pleasure is a need and an ecstasy.'

Isaiah 30:18

2008-10-09T14:17:00.000-07:00

But the Lord still waits for you to come to him so he can show you his love and compassion. For the Lord is a faithful god.

Blessed are those who wait for him to help them.

it's 10.30am and i slept in real bad this morning, missing another fitting for the fashion show. i don't think i'm modelling for this one but last night Hayley still asked me to help choose outfits. in an hour i have a schools prayer meeting with the kids from Dee St. those prayer meetings are always awesome. today i also have to book my tattoo, have a date with Gemma, finish my history assignment, and go to work tonight. guess i should get off here then haha.

oh and also, last night was acoustic sessions. La cleaned up, she's so amazing. poor girl was so nervous. but all in Gods strength, not hers, she blew everyone away. Ants and Dan claimed second. and Jess dedicated her song to me- no one's ever dedicated me a song..so i was stoked haha :) and was showing off her shorts i made her to everyone hahaha aw she's so lovely.

i'm in like with you

2008-10-08T13:40:00.000-07:00

this is probably my most exciting post yet.

because i can tell you that-

we had our first date this week.

an now you've got be a bit wrapped up and this is all i wanna write about.

sigh.

i'm not a regular Natasha Bedingfield fan but this song caught my ear when i heard it on 27 dresses. and the picture is from the film Me You and Everyone We Know.

it.com/oh_ayla?e">

My heart's beginning to slightly overrule my head

Oh no, oh no, you touch my soul

I can't help falling too fast for you

Can you hold on a bit, stop before we go

'cause I might need a moment, and I wouldn't wanna spoil it

Who knows if I am ready or not

Only time will tell

Who knows if we are ready to make this something

Who knows

but anyway, yesterday i spent the afternoon hunting through the mount op shops. these are my buys-

and a rad pair of jeans but they need a heap of alterations, so i'll post that once i'm done slash if they turn out good.

okay so now i'm dedicating the day to doing my history assignment which is due first day back next week..